Share Did The Earth Move For You, Darling?

April 19th, 2010 |

I was under the impression that the silly season didn’t start for another couple of months when I saw a headline in today’s DTeleg: Extramarital sex ‘causes more earthquakes’, Iranian cleric claims.

Seemingly Ayatollah Kazem Sedighi said: “Many women who dress inappropriately … causing youths to go astray… which increases earthquakes… We have no way but conform to Islam to ward off dangers.”

Almost as bliddy stupid as the Catholic couple who used the rhythm method but couldn’t find a Ceilidh band at three in the morning.

Share Tasty?

April 16th, 2010 |

James Wannerton experiences words as tastes and textures, a neurological condition known as lexical-gustatory synaesthesia, his views on Clegg, Cameron and Brown are somewhat different.

Clegg: tastes of a pickled onion, fruit pastilles, Spangles and liquorice.

Cameron: ink, macaroons and condensed milk.

Brown: Marmite (“horrible” - how dare he), peaches, sliced potato and bacon.

Full analysis in the Indie (bottom of page).

Share Foolish?

April 1st, 2010 |

In an audacious new election strategy, Labour is set to embrace Gordon Brown’s reputation for anger and physical aggression, presenting the prime minister as a hard man, unafraid of confrontation, who is willing to take on David Cameron in “a bare-knuckle fistfight for the future of Britain” - from today’s Guardian.

So the Tories are to fight back, in the same vein - I have heard from a mole at Central Office.

unless, of course, it’s an April fool…