Share Lost In Translation?

June 29th, 2009 |

I see that Russian gas supplier Gazprom have teamed up in Africa with Nigerian supplier NNPC* and have made somewhat of a faux pas with the corporate branding.

If you want gas? Ask for Nigaz - Pimp my cooker: gas with attitude?

• Not Necessarily Politically Correct?

Share I Told You I Was Ill

June 27th, 2009 |

AAARG!

Three fikkin days of it. So a guy who’s done nothing for twenty years pegs it. So what? Why give over hours and hours of TV time to the bloke. He sang songs and sold vinyl and did a “moonwalk”. It’s not like he solved world poverty. We didn’t have all this outpouring when Spike Milligan died and at least he made me laugh.

I change channels on the TV and what do we get? Bloody Wimbledon!

AAARG!

Share Viva España?

June 25th, 2009 |

‘Spain: Paradise Lost’ was on the UKs ITV 1 channel last night for the second part and I was really amazed at the attitude of some of the Brits that have decided to up sticks and move there.

In what I would describe as a British Ghetto - albeit an affluent one - several of the ex-pats admitted that they couldn’t speak a phrase of Spanish apart from the odd word - “hola” (hello) and “buenos dias” (good day). Their reasoning behind this was that they were in a British community and there was no need. My flabber was well ghasted.

A couple from Oxford recently became the proud owners of a British bar in Benidorm and wondered why they had no punters. It was bleedin’ obvious! They had no experience of bar work and they were catering to a minority. Sheesh!

I’ve been to Spain a good few times over the last 30 years and I must say that I have been warmly welcomed every time by the locals. One of the reasons, I believe, is that I at least attempted to speak the lingo from the outset - there was a slightly embarrassing moment when I ordered a glass of spider juice instead of orange juice (araña / naranja) but apart from that I can do a good shop and generally get my point over whilst on holiday or extended stay. But to move there and not learn?

One of my reasons for watching this was as research for my next book ‘Playas’ which is set in one of the Costas near to Alicante. Not being able to afford a trip out there I have had to resort to online research and believe me there’s loads out there. Everything from using Google maps to local newspapers to ex-pat forum and Wikipedia to Flikr.

Well… back to the keyboard to plot gunfights, helicopter night landings and a big black bull.

Share Fathers

June 21st, 2009 |

I see the D.Teleg has a 20 famous fathers listing especially for today. Top of the list is one Homer… hmm… Doh!

However there are good and bad fathers on the list and at number five is “Pa” - as portrayed in the Jonny Cash song ‘A Boy Named Sue’ which has one of my all-time favorite lyrics “And we crashed through the wall and into the street; Kickin and a gougin in the mud and the blood and the beer.” Teleg opinion: Pop Idol: He may have walked out when his son was just three, but he did leave the lad a guitar and a great story.

Under the Bad Dad title: (Morally, spiritually and physically a festering flyblown heap of accumulated filth, says his son.) comes one Albert Edward Ladysmith Steptoe at number ten. I’ve never had a bath in the sink but this dad has.

Happy Father’s Day.

Share Anarchy In The UKe

June 12th, 2009 |

If you think of George Formby and cleaning windows when someone says “ukulele” then think again.

I came across a piece in the D.Teleg this morning about the UOGB - Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain - and that they are playing the BBC Proms. They are also trying to get together as many uke players as they can for a mass Ukulele rendition of Beethoven’s ‘Ode to Joy’.

There is any amount of stuff on U-Toob from the ‘pluckers’ and a tongue in cheek version of ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ went down well a few years ago.

I was reminded of the north easts very own uke band the ‘Allstars’ and their front man one Mister George Welch, spinster of the parish. Long time since I saw George and his somewhat off the wall humour. Any one who has seen him will remember not to buy tomatoes in pubs and that he may occasionally sit, like The Move, ‘watching flowers in the rain to feel his allotment grow’ (you had to have been there, sorry). Anyways.. here’s George’s outlook on Chickin Licken.