Tidy Sum

September 30th, 2008 |

I notice in my local News Guardian ‘paper that a headline proclaims “Woman fined £195 for dropping her cigarette butt on the ground”.

It seems that a neighbourhood warden from North Tyneside Council handed out a 50 quid fixed penalty notice to a woman for improperly discarding a ciggy end and when she didn’t cough up (pun intended) it went to court and she was fined £100 with £80 costs and a £15 surcharge.

A local councilor commented on the fine: “We’re committed to working with communities towards achieving a litter-free North Tyneside…”

Well in that case let me point out a few things: If you visit the Forum shopping centre in Wallsend on a windy Sunday there is a maelstrom of rubbish swirling around the entrance and no one clears it up until Monday (if it hasn’t blown away by then); A post mounted litter bin, not far from this scene, has slipped down the pole to rest on the ground. The rubbish is picked at by dogs and the wind blows it hither and thither; The ‘green collection’ - every other Wednesday - is frequently to be found blowing around the streets because the open topped tubs they use don’t prevent spillage. On a second note the tubs, once emptied, are dumped on the street to be seen, on occasion, spinning like so many oblong tumbleweed into hedges, under parked cars and into the legs of pedestrians… I could rant on…

This member of the community thinks the council should put their own house in order before pouncing on 23 year olds to gather what can only be described as yet another stealth tax.

On a happier note… Ta muchly to those of you who have pre-ordered the new book PANTO on Amazon and to Billy Mitchell who has read a proof and tells me it’s a good read. Ta Billy :)

Panto Publicity

September 24th, 2008 |

Ho Hum… the life of a writer never runs smooth (dragged kicking & screaming from bar).

There I was minding my own business when along came the publicity machine (AKA Foxxy and Vin)… “We need pix for the blurb that’s going out for the press. Drink up. The taxi’s on its way.”

Location: Newcastle; lunchtime; venue - Tyne Theatre.

So in all its glory here’s me.

(P.S. It’s available to pre-order on Amazon :) )

Heavy Bread

September 18th, 2008 |

Spotted this typo in today’s D.Teleg. Makes you think though…. :)

Virgin On The Ridiculous

September 17th, 2008 |

This morning I had a call from Virgin Media who supply my telecoms. Not customer services but their collection department.

“About the £235 outstanding on your current bill.” informed the young lady.

Once I’d picked myself up from the floor I wanted to know how this account was as high - it’s normally fifty+ quid a month.

“It’s the 78 films you asked for on pay-per-view.”

After politely telling this Virgin rep that I don’t even use their freeview set-top box and there was no way I would download movies to watch - as I don’t even know the pin number - she suggested I should ring customer services.

dials 150 … press 3 … 30 second wait … Talked to a very polite Scots lady who went through dates and timestamps with me and she came to the conclusion that there was no way I could have downloaded, never mind watched, seventy-odd movies - ranging from cartoons to porn - in the time the box was supposedly switched on. PHEW!

The box is kaput was the conclusion and they are sending someone out to replace it at tea time - not that I watch the darn thing anyway.

If I may suggest something to the Virgin Media Group (OY! BRANSON!) get your departments to talk to each other before ringing your customers and giving them apoplexy. You might want to buy Gatwick airport but I sure don’t want to help pay for it.

Apostasy

September 10th, 2008 |

For a few weeks now there have been various articles in the press about spelling and the various uses of things like the apostrophe - or in cases of the misuse of it in fruiterers stalls… Courgette’s, Apple’s etc.

Now the president of the Spelling Society suggests we stop teaching our children correct English spellings such as their, there and they’re, and dump the use of the apostrophe altogether - leave a gap instead (we ll instead of we’ll). I note in today’s Times.

I suggest that this is more dumbing down of not only of the English language but also of our heritage and culture and if schools are to teach the correct way to use words they should do one simple thing. Bring back spelling tests or kids are going to end up as Molesworths.

Meanwhile, the boot has been stuck in with regard to the use of ‘Anglitaliano’ in Italy, according to the Telegraph.

Seems like they are to follow the French in their strident equivalent of France’s Academie Francaise and get rid of ‘il weekend’ and other anglicised words. I particularly quite like the thought of ‘baby parking’… day care.

Digg(ory) This

September 5th, 2008 |

My frustration with Diggory Press (previously) has finally got to the point whereby I just cannot trust them to publish my next tome in time for Xmas - especially as blogger Mick Rooney points out the ongoing court case.

So what is an author to do? Set up your own publishing arm as other writers have done as far apart as Cumbria and Cornwall? You betcha! … with a huge help from friends.

‘PANTO’ will be published in November, by Alberts Press, come hell or high water… and multiple form filling for ISBNs, Neilsons and Lightning Source.

Hopefully we’ll have a book launch in Newcastle at the time if I can get my stuff together :)

Curbs

September 2nd, 2008 |

They’re at it again!

I hear you ask “who?”. The Smoking Nazis, that’s who.

Pointed towards the pub trade newspaper, The Morning Advertiser, by a frustrated publican I find that within the last couple of weeks two licensees have been hounded by their local council about the exterior smoking at their pubs.

The first story is from the Horse & Jockey in Ross-on-Wye, Herefordshire. It now has to display signs outside the pub that smoking is not allowed on the pavement – By Order Of The Council.

Coming just last week the tale of the Globe in Worthing, West Sussex, where the landlord wanted his new patio to be the outside smoking area. Turned down by the council. Reason? Local residents said cigarette smoke would drift into their bedroom. Judging by the accompanying image it looks like this pub is on a main thoroughfare… they’re obviously not bothered by petrol and diesel fumes, eh?

Where will this stop? A total ban of course. A fair few people have given up going to the pub – because they can’t smoke – and are buying cheap drink from supermarkets. So, coming next… deserted high streets as people just shop online?